There are moments when I look at Lola and she will do something that makes me feel like I am looking into the past and reliving the days when her big sister was her size. It is amazing how the birth of your second baby can cause you to recall moments or events that were buried away, not entirely forgotten but no longer at the forefront of your mind. I watch as Lola stares at her big sister in awe. It’s as if she knows that the person that she looks up to will always be there for her and that her promises to teach her everything she knows and be her best friend are true. Everyone tells us the day will come when baby sister will get on big sister’s nerves and perhaps that is true, but for now my oldest loves every aspect of being a big sister. She loves the idea of someone looking up to her, a little face that lights up when she enters the room after a long day at school.
Now when we put Lola in her walker she heads straight for her sister’s room. It doesn’t matter to her that her big sister is eight, that they will never attend the same school or raid each other’s closets. To Lola this is a person who loves her so much, who smiles and coos at her and reads her stories, who reaches over and pats her when she cries while in her car seat and in a sing song voice like mama tells her, “It’s ok Lola.”
I try not to give too much thought to what Lola will be like months from now but it’s hard not to wonder. As the days slip away and her interest in more than just resting in my arms or nursing at my breast lessons I can only hope that she and her sister will be as close as they are now. That as her need for a walker subsides and her little feet turn to big feet she will still make her way to her big sister’s room to be by her side and that they will love and value each other just as much as they appear to at this moment.
My hope is that the moments in which they get on one another’s nerves will seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things and that big sister will be mindful of the fact that little sister is watching and in some ways following in her footsteps. Because there is a lot of love there, I see it. I feel it. More than enough love to fill the age gap between them.