There was a time in my life, a time that doesn’t seem that long ago, when I looked down at a positive pregnancy test and thought for certain that my life was over.
Everything about the pregnancy seemed like horrible timing–in my relationship, in my education, in my finances.
I shook my head at those two tiny blue lines and whispered, No. It can’t be.
Little did I know that 9 months later, what I thought couldn’t possibly be right was everything that would become right in my life.When my daughter was born and I first held her to my chest, I felt my heart open up and welcome her in a way that felt at once familiar and completely new in its all-encompassing way. I remember thinking, “Oh, it’s you,” when I first laid eyes on her while at the same time wondering, “How can a person feel so much love?”
Me with my oldest daughter on the day she was born.
One would think that I would have realized through the unexpected gift that was my daughter that when life happens, sometimes it happens a little sooner or later or in what feels all together poor timing–but in the end, when that baby happens along, it turns out to be pretty perfect after all.
That didn’t stop me, however, from locking myself in the bathroom and crying uncontrollably three months ago, when once again, two tiny blue lines showed up unexpectedly for me.
Pregnancy is a wonderful, magical time, but it can also be overwhelming. There are a lot of fears and misgivings, namely in wondering if you are really cut out for this job; I think that in a lot of ways, the tears and the fears are completely normal. It’s an entirely new human being in your charge, after all!
But when the tears have dried and the lines on that pregnancy test have started to fade from the vibrant blue that announced the new life inside of me, I was able to once again reflect back on that unexpected surprise that got me started on this journey, almost six years ago and realize:
Sometimes, the most unexpected moments in life turn out to be the most precious.