I was watching a talk show the other day and the host, a woman who doesn’t have any children, was discussing how weird she finds the fact that a pregnant woman can feel her baby moving inside of her.
She likened it to feeling like there was an “alien” moving inside and said she couldn’t understand how women got so excited to feel the baby move.
I had to laugh a little, watching it, because on one hand, objectively, I can see where she was coming from. It is a little bizarre to think about the fact that separated by mere layers of skin and muscle (ok, so not much muscle here, but still), there is actual human being growing inside of you. On the flip side, however, I have to agree to disagree, because there is nothing scary about feeling your baby move.
In fact, it’s the one thing that keeps me going during pregnancy.
There is so much that is hard about pregnancy and I am not the world’s most gracious woman when it comes to keeping pregnancy complaints to myself. I should be, I realize that, but the truth is, I’m moody and impatient and apparently, pretty selfish.
The first trimester is hard, the last month of pregnancy feels like sheer torture, and the middle months are a torrent of public ridicule when no one can believe how big I am and how far I still have to go, most of all me.
So in the middle of puking or feeling like I will never be able to keep my eyes open past 8 o’clock again in the first trimester, I found myself looking forward to those first little flutters that would let me know that ok, yes, this is real. Those first butterfly kicks that would show me that I wasn’t imagining that baby bump and that there was something wonderful unfolding inside of me.
And in the second trimester, when I’m supposed to be feeling my best, but really just feeling too big and fearful of what’s to come, those still small kicks are what’s keeping me going right now. They are my daily doses of gratitude, my reminder to stop and realize that pregnancy is so much more than my fears or my comfort or heck, even my size.
That it’s about this little one and the life that is beating on, cloaked in secrecy and right now, known only to me.
It’s those kicks and that little, hi, Mom!” reminders that won’t be so gentle come my third trimester that provide me the reassurance I need to get through the last few weeks. Knowing my baby is growing strong and healthy because of me and knowing that as those kicks grow more persistent, I am one step closer to holding him or her in my arms–
That is where the magic of pregnancy lies.
Image via Lauren Brusie/j&j brusie photography