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Were You Sad After Having Your Last Baby?

Last week, Hayden turned three months old. This week, he seems to have grown another two inches and gained another two pounds. He is growing up so fast. Too fast, indeed.

After uttering the words I thought I never would, turns out I’m having a harder time with my last baby growing up than I thought I ever would. So much so that today, in the wee hours of the morning after a 4 a.m. feeding, I started crying in bed, just barely waking up my husband who gave me a pat on the back and said, “Don’t be sad.”  In the light of day though, I explained to him why I’ve feeling blue, and then he thought of a sports analogy that finally helped him “get it.”

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My husband was earnestly trying to understand why I was so upset about our last baby growing up. I explained to him that I was feeling a bit envious of the women I knew who are pregnant, or who had brand new babies (because at three months old, ours is already off to college). At three months old, Hayden is already talking up a storm to us, getting ready to roll over, doesn’t sleep in his car seat anymore, and is wide awake — no longer in that newborn sleep coma most of the day. Believe me, those are all wonderful things (except the no sleeping in the car seat thing), and I’m excited and happy that we have a sweet and healthy baby boy who’s hitting his milestones.

But the thing is, I loved being pregnant this last time around.  And for the first time, I really LOVED having a newborn. I loved the constant cuddles, the excuses to just stay at home all day, the “mommy meals” that wonderful friends brought us, the constant milk comas that he would fall into after every feeding. Not to mention just how sweet and “easy” of a baby Hayden has been.  I relished in every one of those moments, and so in a way, I’m mourning the fact that I will never do this again, the pregnancy and newborn phase. We’re done having babies and it’s finally hitting home that I will never experience this beautiful part of life again. It’s back to life as usual; no more special treatment.  Sounds a bit silly and self-indulgent I guess, but it’s a common feeling I think many of us feel after we have our last baby.

So my husband explains to me, after I tell him all this, that he finally gets it. It’s like the NBA star that wins his third title and decides to retire, going out with a bang. He ends on a high note and now goes into a career of sportscasting. But that doesn’t mean as he’s sitting on the sidelines announcing the game that he doesn’t secretly wish he was still out there playing. But he’s gotta stay retired… not pull a Michael Jordan by coming out of retirement to play for the Washington Wizards and having a terrible season. That’s how we feel about Hayden. We need to go out with a bang. He’s been the best baby, making us think we could maybe stay in the game and have one more baby. But we need to stay the course and stick with retirement.

I just looked at him and sort of nodded and said something like, “Sure, that’s exactly what it’s like.”  While it may not be exactly the same thing, I appreciate him coming up with the analogy to try and understand my feelings and have to chuckle that he chose such a stereotypical “guy” thing.  Babies and sports — an awesome, if not unusual, analogy.  Now I’m off to go cuddle with my 3-month-old before he does go off to college.

So were you sad when you realized your last baby was growing up too fast, or were you happy to move forward?

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