This week my littlest love turned 11 months. The year mark is just weeks away and I still have a hard time believing we are already here at 11 months. Last night I put Lola to bed. I turned on her lullaby album and held her in my arms. She was so tired she almost instantly fell asleep. I had so much to do but all I wanted to do was hold her. So I did.
There are times when all I really want to do is press pause. I want time to stop. I want to just listen as she softly breathes, feel her hand resting on my chest, and watch as her little body rises and falls. I want to inhale what remains of her sweet baby smell and admire her baby toes, still round as she has yet to take her first steps.
I marvel at how we got here. How I went from being a mother of one to a mother of two, often wishing that life had a pause button so that I could freeze time. If only for a little while. But since life doesn’t have a pause button I’ve learned to still press pause in my own way. I’ve learned to sit and stare at my baby for a few moments in the morning while she slumbers, to hold her in my arms for a little longer even when my arm has become slightly achy, and to not rush through breakfast and bath time because my to-do list is calling.
I’ve learned that sometimes I need to press an internal pause button, so that I might allow myself to take in the magic that is found in the very things I know I will one day long for. Like the sound and feel of soft breath, and those moments where it feels like our hearts are beating in sync. Those days when work, household tasks, and other commitments are calling, but my heart is calling too. Because so much in life will still be there. And some things can wait, perhaps not long, but still long enough to pause, to ponder, to simply just be — to answer the call of my heart so that it might beat alongside the heart of my littlest love.