Last week Hayden turned 3 months old. This week he seems to have grown another 2 inches and gained another 2 pounds. He is growing up so fast, too fast indeed. After uttering the words I thought I never would, turns out I’m having a harder time with my last baby growing up than I thought I ever would. So much so that today, in the wee hours of the morning after a 4 am feeding, I started crying in bed, just barely waking up my husband who gave me a pat on the back and said don’t be sad. Today in the light of day though, I explained to him why I’ve feeling blue, and he thought of a sports analogy that finally helped him “get it”.
My husband was earnestly trying to understand why I was so upset about our last baby growing up. I was explaining to him that I was feeling a bit envious of the women I knew that are pregnant, or of those with fresh brand new babies (because at 3 months old, he’s already off to college). At three months old Hayden is already talking up a storm to us, getting ready to roll over, doesn’t sleep in his carseat anymore, and is wide awake, no longer in that newborn sleep coma most of the day. Believe me those are all wonderful things (except the no sleeping in the carseat thing), and I’m excited and happy that we have a sweet and healthy baby boy that’s hitting his milestones.
But the thing is, I loved being pregnant this last time around. And for the first time, I really LOVED having a newborn. I loved the constant cuddles, the excuses to just stay at home all day, the “mommy meals” that wonderful friends brought us, the constant milk comas that he would fall into after every feeding. Not to mention just how sweet and “easy” of a baby Hayden has been. I relished in every one of those moments and so in a way, I’m mourning the fact that I will never do this again, the pregnancy and newborn phase. We’re done having babies and it’s finally hitting home that I will never experience this beautiful part of life again. It’s back to life as usual, no more special treatment. Sounds a bit silly and self-indulgent I guess, but it’s a common feeling I think many of us feel after we have our last baby.
So my husband explains to me after I tell him all this, that he finally gets it. It’s like the NBA star that wins his 3rd Title and decides to retire, going out with a bang. He ends on a high note and now goes into a career of sportscasting. But that doesn’t mean as he’s sitting on the sidelines casting the game, he is secretly wishing he was still out there in the game. But he’s gotta stay retired and not pull a Michael Jordan, coming out of retirement to play for the Washington Wizards, and have a terrible season, playing for one of the worst teams out there. That’s how we feel about Hayden. We need to go out with a bang. He’s been the best baby, making us think we could maybe stay in the game and have one more baby. But we need to stay the course and stick with retirement.
I just looked at him and sort of nodded and said something like, “Sure, that’s exactly what it’s like.” While it may not be exactly the same thing, I appreciate him coming up with the analogy to try and understand my feelings and have to chuckle that he chose such a stereotypical “guy” thing. Babies and sports, an awesome, if unusual analogy. Now I’m off to go cuddle with my 3 month old before he does go off to college.
So were you sad when you realized your last baby was growing up too fast, or were you happy to move forward?