The Story of One Baby, One Mouth and a Whole Lotta Stuff

It’s like Jonah and the belly of a whale. Only it’s random stuff and the mouth of a baby. Well, it’s almost like that. I mean, unlike Jonah, this stuff wasn’t inside Luke’s mouth for three days. More like three seconds. Okay fine. Three minutes. Tops. But seriously, it’s not like it’s our fault.

Because this kid puts EVERYTHING in his mouth. It’s almost like his entire mission on this planet is to see which of its random articles can, indeed, fit inside the confines of his sparsely toothed tongue cave. Honestly, it’s all we can do to stay on top of it. But stay on top of it, we must, which is why we’re regularly fishing things out of Luke’s mouth.

So, without further ado, I present to you the 10 random things we fished out of Luke’s mouth this past week.

Puzzle pieces

This whole “inside my mouth thing” has us puzzled for sure.

His hand

But as puzzling as it is for his mama and me, Luke sure seems to have his hand on the situation. Or in the situation as the case may be.

Jack's flip flop

Because there’s been no flip flopping with regard to the situation. This kid puts everything in his mouth, including the tip of this.

Sammy's boot

But we’re southerners, y’all, so I suppose it only made sense that Luke eventually graduated from flip flops to boots.

Hammer

And though his mom and I wish he’d stop putting things in his mouth, he’s hammering home the following: this phase ain’t gonna stop anytime soon.

Medicine packages

I mean, it’s not like there’s any medicine you can give the kid to make him stop. And even if there were, he’d probably just try to eat the box it came in.

Soap

And it’s not like washing his mouth out with soap would help. Because that’s something he willingly does every night we bathe him.

Dishtowel

Well, at least the kid has the good sense to wipe the nasty taste of soap out of his mouth with a dishtowel chaser, right?

Plastic people

Oh no, Luke. You can’t eat people. Even if they are kinda shallow. Well, I’m only assuming they’re shallow, because, you know, they’re plastic and all. But it doesn’t matter. Our baby needs to know that he can’t eat people. If only he were more like his parents. Then he’d know not to put all this stuff in his mouth.

A feather

Hey! Maybe there’s hope for him yet. Because this little clue seems to say he *is* like his parents. Well, his mom, at least. Because she’s a light eater, too.

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So that about wraps it up. At least for this past week. So tell me, does your baby do the same thing? And if so, what have you fished out of his or her mouth lately?

Read more from John Cave Osborne on his personal blog which he calls (get this) JohnCaveOsborne.com or feel free to stalk him on Facebook and or Twitter.