It’s taken me weeks to be able to sit down and put these words to the keys. Motherhood is hard. Really hard. While I love sharing with you all the magical moments, sharing the tough stuff is what makes all of this real. Being a parent isn’t a walk in the park. It gets tough.
Two weeks ago, Baylor had an accident that resulted in 2nd degree burns down the side of his arm. Even now, I still feel a huge amount of guilt every time someone checks up on Baylor to see how he is healing. The day of the accident, while I was driving Baylor to the ER, I kept thinking to myself how hard this was. How hard being a parent was. How could this have happened? I wished I could take away his pain! Why hadn’t I thought of that as a possible accident. Needless to say, I was being really hard on myself.
With lots of reassurance and analysis of what happened, I am finally coming to terms with the fact that there was nothing that I could have done to prevent it. It was a one of those slow motion freak accident things that couldn’t have been prevented.
As a mom, I am always running worst case scenarios through my head. I’m not sure if all moms do that, but I know I do. After that day, I learned that no matter how many worst case scenarios you can make up in your mind, accidents happen. Some things are just out of our control. I am so thankful that we were as blessed as we were to walk away the way we did. Baylor is almost completely healed and has never stopped being the rambunctious toddler that I so much love. He amazed me at how strong he is and also how resilient his tiny little body is.
Two weeks later, I still feel guilty. I still feel like I could have done more, but I am also learning that this is just a reality of being a mom. These types of things will happen. I am learning to have thicker skin, to be strong, and to do what I am wired to do. And that is to love my child with my whole entire being.
Bad days will come, but the good ones far outweigh the bad.