In the world we live in today, there are so many expectations of moms. What type of parenting will you choose? Will you breastfeed or bottle feed? Are you going to baby-wear? There is no right answer for these questions. As moms we try to make the decisions that we think are best for our family. The question that I get most often and the question that I will never understand is: “How much of your baby weight have you lost?” Apparently when you become a mom there are no boundaries when it comes to outlandish questions. Isn’t it rude to ask a lady her weight? I guess it was expected of me to bounce right back. I expected, hoped, and prayed that would be the case. In my case, that simply wasn’t in the cards for me. I am finally learning, that is OK.
I most of the time feel unrecognizable to people who knew me before I had Baylor. They often do double takes. My face is a little (or a lot) rounder, my hips are wider. I guess you could say I just expanded a little. I am a new ‘me.’ I sometimes get down on myself and wonder what I am doing wrong. Why don’t I look the same as I used to?
I have always struggled with seeing the scale. Before I became a mom I worked really hard for me to learn to be comfortable in the body that I worked so hard to keep healthy. When I got pregnant I didn’t gain a lot of weight for the first two trimesters. By the time I got to my third it was like out of no where the weight began to come from no where. Everyone gave me false hopes by telling me that it would “fall off” after I had him.
That so far has been far from the truth. I guess no one accounted for the medical conditions that I would develop while pregnant with Baylor. I never accounted for the fact that those medical conditions would stick around long after I had my sweet boy. Is this an excuse? No. They are just obstacles. Obstacles that have made bouncing back super hard but also that I am learning to overcome. Not everyone can bounce back two months postpartum. It’s just not that easy for us curvier girls.
Here I am one year later, and I am finally beginning to feel comfortable in my own skin. When I think about the things that I have accomplished in my first year as a mom it really makes something so simple as my weight seem so small. I carried another tiny human in my body for 10 months. I have helped him grow into a tiny boy with a BIG personality. Yes, I may never look the same again but this new body that I wear comes from something so beautiful. I am proud of what I have done and I am proud of the “new me.” I don’t have to measure up to what the norm says I should. I need to be happy in my own skin. I need to show my baby what its like to be that way, too. My bounce back may come in time, but for now I am just enjoying to journey there.