Of course you’re exciting about bringing home your bouncing, beautiful, bundle of joy.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t a few last hurrahs before the baby is born, right?
1. Sleeping. Oh my wonderful sleep. Granted, it’s not always so wonderful at the end of pregnancy, but it’s still on your terms–I have spent every single morning I possibly could sleeping in during this pregnancy, because I figure it all just balances out in the end, right?
2. Date night. I don’t care if it’s dinner out or Netflix on the couch, but enjoy a last hurrah or two before you need to worry about carting a baby alongside of you or shelling out your precious dollars to a babysitter.
3. Leisurely showers. My shower routine is pretty extravagant. I usually shower at night, mostly to facilitate #1 and also because it saves me major time with the older kids in the morning, but all in all, the whole routine takes me about an hour–I shave, I wash away the remnants of Cheerios and popsicles in my hair, I slather on my favorite scented lotion–and I enjoy a little relaxation before bed. But when baby’s on the scene? Oh my heavens, it’s a two-minute ordeal to get in and out as fast as possible before the baby starves to death because you know she will be hungry the moment I try to step away.
4. Two-handed dinners. It’s the little things you appreciate when you’re a mother of a newborn. I have yet to learn the secret of being able to successfully eat dinner without holding some small person on my lap or usually feeding that small person on my lap while I try to feed myself. After three kids, I kind of just go with it and tell myself it’s not forever.
5. Matching biceps. Think I’m joking? Nope–I’m 100% serious. From lugging around a carseat-with-an-infant-in-it constantly to performing the classic baby-on-the-hip mama pose, you will develop a seriously strong case of the “mom bicep.” One of your biceps will inevitably balloon out in more massive size than the other, and while you may be impressed when you flex your newfound strength, the contrast will also be slightly frightening, I’m not going to lie to you.
6. Store self-control. You may be able to get through the store now and only pick up the essentials on your list, but after that baby comes? I guarantee you will leave with more than you bargained for–“Oh, this outfit would look so cute on her!!” or “He totally needs this bib, it’s hilarious!” You’ve been warned.
7. A less intimate relationship with bodily functions. Yup, I went there. Your life is about to change and it will be totally normal to discuss the size, shape, and color of your baby’s bowel movement with your significant other, the grocery store clerk, and the nurse at the pediatrician’s office. You won’t believe such a simple thing used to gross you out, actually–it’s just poop, people!
8.The ignorant bliss. Know how all those people try to tell you “just wait until the baby comes” and you nod and chuckle politely, secretly thinking that your style of parenting will be so much different and your life won’t change that much and actually those comments are pretty annoying (which they are)? Well, I hate to break it to you, but you are totally about to become one of those people. Because your life will change forever, in both small and drastic ways. And it’s going to be totally awesome, exhausting, and the best thing you’ve ever done.
Welcome to the dark side.