With each stage my littlest love enters into I still find myself in limbo. There’s the part of me that is already longing for what was despite it not even being gone just yet. And then I get a glimpse into the future — a smile, a facial expression or the uttering of a new word. As I’ve said before, the future looks ever so bright. There’s so much to be seen in her eyes. They harbor hope, promise, expectation, determination and a love for life despite there being so much more to it — life — more than she could possibly imagine.
During each month I find myself in the midst of moments during which I close my eyes in an effort to give myself enough time to etch a memory into my heart. These are the moments I want to always remember. When she is older my hope is that not only will the memories of long ago fill photo frames, albums and computer hard drives but also our hearts — hers and mine (and daddy and big sister too).
Here are (just) 18 things I want to always remember about month 18:
- The transition from tears at morning drop off to goodbye waves.
- The way she tells me she can do it all by herself without even saying a word (like how she refuses to let me clean her nose. And how she will attempt to do it herself if I hand her a tissue).
- The way she puts her arm around my neck when she is asleep. She’s a “cuddler” just like her mama.
- The way I don’t move, not even if I run the risk of having a sore neck. The happiness my heart feels trumps my sore neck.
- The way she always wants to eat what I’m having.
- The way she only sings the last word of the theme song for Ella the Elephant “Todaaay.”
- The way she says “Shann” when we ask her to say “Krishann (my name).”
- The way she shakes her head “no” each time we ask her a question.
- The way she held her sister’s cheek when fell asleep next to her (just like mama big sister didn’t move, instead she savored it).
- The way she says “weeee” when we push her on a swing (although technically this started in month 17.)
- The way she called out Princess Sophia’s name when she saw her on stage at California Adventure. It was almost as if the two of them were old friends. “Fia! Fia.”
- Some of her most recent words are “apple” “shoes” “go”.
- How much she fancies yogurt and throwing things on the floor.
- When she seemingly frolics through the house on her tip toes.
- The way she runs and holds onto our legs when she sees someone coming she doesn’t know.
- The way she runs ahead of us just a little bit when she’s feeling rather brave and adventurous.
- How much she loves turning the pages of her books.
- The fact that even though we aren’t together as much as we used to be she still finds comfort in my arms (and she still fits just perfectly).